NFC East:
Cowboys: It’s an America’s team miracle!!!! Can you believe that Carr fumbled out of the endzone? Oh, by the way, for the haters — the card touched both sides so it was a first down. And don’t look now, but Zeke’s coming back!!!!


Wow, I didn’t expect that. First off, why is this defense so pathetic? I mean, Eli ripped us up. Not a good quarterback, but Eli. Whatever, Foles didn’t miss a beat. Maybe Dougie fresh knows what he’s doing after all.

NFC North:
Lions: Well, now that Rodgers pooped the bed we are still clinging onto playoff contention, somehow. Unbelievably, or actually, completely believably, we might not get in because of a September loss. Classic.


That was a smackdown worse than the WWE. We went in and destroyed the Bengals in a way that I haven’t seen us do all season. Case is the guy and other teams better respect it.

NFC South:


It wasn’t pretty, but at the end of the day we got the win, and that’s all that matters. Freeman showed he could carry us for a game, too, which was nice.ย  Don’t look now, but we are gonna be back in the playoffs.

Panthers:. Yeah, were we supposed to be scared of this Rodgers guy or something? Ok. People better start recognizing that our defense is looking like 2015 again. Not the offense, but they’re good enough. I mean, Case Keenum is in the running for MVP? I’m taking Killer Cam all day.


We might not get home field advantage, but I’m fine with having an easy wildcard win and then playing Foles or Keenum. Yeah, I’ll take Brees over them all day. Who dat!!! Nah, seriously — Nick Foles, who dat???

NFC West:


Wow, we just took that W. I knew we were good and that we would win, but blowing Seattle out like that? I mean, man, I didn’t see that coming. Also, when is Goff gonna get some MVP love? Either way, we just have to keep winning, I guess.

Seahawks: Yikes. I hate to say it, but this might be the end for this group.ย  Something has to change, because we haven’t gotten beaten like that since Pete took over. Wilson can still save the season, you know, by himself, but it’s obvious we gotta get better on both sides.
AFC East:
Bills: We quietly just keep on winning. It’s too bad that we don’t get the giant breaks like the freaking Patriots do, but that’s fine, we’re used to it. All we gotta do is keep winning.


Would you believe that, for half a second, I actually thought the Steelers were better than us? I know, I know — throw me away into the bad Pats fan jail, but they were right there. But one fake spike later, we get the easy ride to The Bowl! It’s almost too easy.

AFC North:
Ravens: Thank God we get to play the Browns twice a year.


Wow, real shocker here — the league gave the Patriots another win. Only ever person who has ever followed the NFL saw that one coming. We were gonna beat them without AB, but that’s fine. We’ll fix this in the playoffs.

AFC South:


Don’t look now, but Blake might be the guy!!!! He is finally living up to all the hype and maybe a little more. We might have a team that can actually compete for a Super Bowl.

Titans: It’s to the point where I don’t even want to watch this team in the playoffs, if we get there. We lost to the Niners. Really?? This defense can’t stop a nose bleed.
AFC West:


Well, that’s the end of that. Man, this division sucks. But, hey, I’m happy it’s our division. Andy has plenty to fix in the long run, but for now we are gonna be in the playoffs. Even if we are barely breathing.

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