On Saturday, Neyland Stadium played host to country legend Garth Brooks and thousands of his fans. I’m not a huge Garth fan, but a couple of his songs are ok. However, like Landon Raby, I would never pay to go to his concert when I can watch basically the whole thing through Snapchat.
(If you post an entire concert on your story, then you are the worst type of person.)
There was some worry going around about what this concert would do to the grass on Shields-Watkins field. Judging by the picture, it doesn’t look great. However, it sounds like the plan is to have new sod put down this week while the Vols are battling the Tigers in Columbia. It should be a full-go, with no problems expected when the Vols host Vandy in the regular season finale in a couple weeks.
But, what if the field isn’t the best quality come game time? It would be the most Tennessee thing ever if we somehow lost to Mizzou this week, then came home and lost to Vandy on a mangled field. All because of a concert by a Florida fan who hasn’t been big since the late 80’s – early 90’s.
You can’t sing Rocky Top and have this sitting in your profile, Garth. You knew someone would find it. The devil works hard, but Vol Twitter works harder.
This is evidence of my main theory: The Garth Brooks concert was arranged as a way for Steve Spurrier to try to place a hex on the Vols. Even in retirement that son of a gun is still trying to find ways to beat us. Of course, it all makes sense now.
Spurrier sees the progress the Vols program is making and figured he would try to halt it in an unsuspecting way. However, I saw through it. First, it seemed fishy when Garth couldn’t remember the words to Rocky Top in his rehearsal Friday night. A music legend coming to the college town of Knoxville and not knowing Rocky Top? Then, I saw where Garth performed in Gainesville on April 20th.
No big deal, right? Well, you know what else happens to fall on April 20th? The birthday of none other than Steve Spurrier. That’s right, Garth in the Swamp for the old ball coach’s birthday. Coincidence?
This absolutely confirms my theory of Garth trying to sabotage our field and the end of our season. I mean, getting a bunch of people together in Neyland to sing country music seemed harmless on the surface, but the timing was all to suspicious to me. Ol’ Garth was in cahoots with his buddy Steve the whole time. It required some “big J journalism” (shoutout PFT), but this case is closed. Officials at Neyland need to start searching the stadium for any signs of Garth trying to leave some UF gear behind. Could be a Tebow jersey, a visor, or any cutoff jean shorts.
As for me, my work here is done. I now have the peace of knowing this sensitive information is open to the public, and everyone can see what really went down. Jauan is going to rumble for about 250yds and 3 touchdowns on senior night now, and I can’t wait to be there to see it. No bad mojo for the end of this season.
*Disclaimer: This article is obviously meant to be satire, although all information is accurate. However, I hope some of the crazy “Vol Facebook” members get ahold of this and think I’m being serious. Their reactions would undoubtedly be gold.*
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